1. You can hum along with every Christmas carol but can’t recite the words to any of them.
2. You stare in disbelief any time you see someone voluntarily consume eggnog.
3. You find the idea of a stranger sneaking into your house through the chimney to be terrifying, not magical.
4. Elf on the Shelf…What?
5. There are no childhood photos of you screaming bloody murder on Santa’s lap. I’ve seen dozens of friends post these images of themselves and their kiddos this week, and I can’t say I regret missing this rite of passage.
6. The only holiday movie you’ve seen in its entirety is National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.
7. You don’t know what the word “yule” means. Yuletide…Yule log…Clueless.
8. You desperately seek plans on December 24th to avoid #FOMO
9. It feels appropriate to crave Chinese food on December 25th.
10. You own Christmas pajamas but have no photos of yourself wearing them.