A Serious Interview with my 6-Month-Old Baby

Sometimes I like to interview my baby. Because it’s funny. In case you missed our last intriguing  installment, find it here

Reporter: Is there anything that confuses you throughout your day? 

Lila: Here’s something crazy…sometimes when I wake up from a nap, I’m in a completely different place than where I fell asleep. It’s downright bizarre. It happens most often when I’m in my car seat, but it’s also occurred at home. Fall asleep on the couch…wake up in my crib…Fall asleep in mom’s arms…wake up in the crib…At first I thought I was going crazy, but after chatting with my friends at daycare, I’m convinced this happens as the result of some cosmic force that adults are immune to. 

Reporter: Where is the place you feel most content? 

Lila: There’s this lovely spa just down the hall from my nursery (mom and dad call it a bathroom because they don’t know any better). Anyhow, I go there every night for a calming soak and just adore their services. The staff gets upset when I poop in their jacuzzi, but isn’t that a nicer alternative to going in a diaper I then have to sit in for an hour? Exactly.

Reporter: If you could keep only five possessions, what would they be? 

Lila: Easy…my penguin Wubbanub, the yellow blanket my grandma knitted for me, my swing, my hands and my toes. I love my hands and my toes. 

Reporter: What food that makes you the happiest: 

Lila: I’ve been enjoying solids for about two weeks now, so it’s safe to assume I’m a bit of a foodie. I like pears a lot. And this mango-guava puree mom gave me. Oh! And carrots. LOVE liquefied carrots. You know what’s absolutely disgusting though? Peas. Who in their right mind eats that filth? Not this girl, that’s for damn sure. I threw them up all over myself and I liked it. 

Reporter: What are you reading these days?

Lila: Right now mom reads me a chapter of James and the Giant Peach while I have my bath each night. I’m not sure how to tell her this, but that book is kind of boring. There are hardly any illustrations and the words don’t rhyme so I typically just zone out and suck my fingers. I may strategically throw up on it so she’s forced to read me something more appealing. 

Reporter: Where do you see yourself in 10 years? 

Lila: Ideally I’ll be in sixth grade, and President of the United States. I will have All The Toys and no longer take naps. 

Reporter: Are you more of an early bird or night owl? 

 Lila: I don’t discriminate. You bring the milk and I party any time, any place. This must be a genetic trait, because I’ve noticed that any time I’m awake, if I cry to get mom and dad’s attention, they come in because they’re awake too. We’re all on the same schedule which is super convenient. 

Reporter: What milestones fall into your current repertoire? 

Lila: Where to begin! These days I occasionally roll all the way from my back to my tummy, but mostly I just make it to my side. I am an all-star sitter and have grown quite skilled at holding objects and bringing them to my mouth. I can hold my own bottle and love smacking my hands on things. I smile pretty much all the time, unless I’m crying. I do not smile when I cry. I sleep in my crib now which was rough at first, but when I realized I no longer have to be swaddled (read: forced into a straightjacket), I was much more accommodating of my new sleep space. I like my high chair and my outdoor swing dad installed, and I hardly cried at my sixth-month shots last week because I am very brave and easily distracted with milk.

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9 thoughts on “A Serious Interview with my 6-Month-Old Baby

  1. If i hadn’t read this interview, I wouldn’t know that L. started solids! You never mentioned it before!  Congrats on that milestone xoxox PS this is one of your absolute best pieces! 

  2. What a very amusing, but informative way to bring all up to date! I enjoyed reading this. Sounds like you are all enjoying watching your precious girl growing up.

  3. Lila cracks me up! She has an answer for everything. Can’t wait until she’s 13 and you do this interview! That should be hilarious!!

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