6:42 p.m.

So, parenthood? No one warns you.

At the moment, I’m sitting in total darkness in the nursery with a sleeping baby in my arms. She’s finally asleep, after hours of coaxing. It’s been a long, long, long day of crying and spit up and refusal to nap. I’m going on three hours of sleep and my arms are aching and shaky from endless hours of rocking and swinging. My eyes are swollen from crying and a bottle of wine is my salvation, propped ironically next to the baby bottle by my side.

I’d love to get up from this chair to shower, eat, ANYTHING…but I’ve learned from the past six hours that putting baby down means ear-piercing cries and another half hour of rocking. And repeat. I’m resigned to this uncomfortable yet peaceful solitude, and so appreciative of the silence.

In these tough hours I spend alone with Lila, I struggle to recognize that this will ever get easier. I live for the quiet snuggles and sweet baby coos that occasionally intersect with the wails. I’m completely aware of the miracle resting in my arms, and the blessing of a healthy baby. I am giddy when I think about the future with her and everything I want to teach her and show her. But right now? This is just one of many moments of learning, patience, struggling and growing.

I can get through this, and I will get through this. But it’s really hard. I’m thankful and in awe of every mom I know, especially my own, for walking this path before me.

I’m feeling somewhat defeated, but I know tomorrow is a new day, and that colic doesn’t last forever. (Please, PLEASE tell me it will end one day soon.)

Until that day, there is wine.


8 thoughts on “6:42 p.m.

  1. It will end. It will end. And you WILL, as you know, have wonderful days ahead. Crying and drinking wine, and being in awe of the experience is pretty good. How about keeping a box of Luna bars or better yet — chocolate & nuts & water in an emergency cabinet in the nursery!! Love to the 3 of you!

  2. She looks waaaay too sweet in this picture to ever cry! But seriously, it gets easier. I always tell myself I will sleep after a year, so then I’m surprised if it happens sooner! 🙂 I feel like you last night. My little man wasn’t crying, but he for some reason felt like it was necessary to wake up every 2-3 hours. I’m sportin some sweet dark circles today. It’s awesome. My fingers are crossed tonight for you!! Oh one more thing, I had a friend who had a colicky baby and the only way he said he got through the scream fest while rocking was saying, “I love you, I love you, I love you” over and over again, which helped him not want to go crazy haha.

  3. Libby is totally right. Keep food and water around the house. If you have a rocking chair in your nursery keep a good book or your kindle/ipad close with snacks! Also, Lil B was a wailer and a crier too – I wound up cutting pretty much anything out of my diet like soy, eggs, caffeine, nuts, dairy – and the incessant crying literally stopped (this only applies if you’re nursing, if you’re doing formula try switching to sensitive stomach). The first few weeks are the hardest – remember you are both new to this world (her literally) and your life has been turned upside down. I’m not gonna lie there were a few times I was so tired I slept through B’s crying.

  4. Also, sometimes colic is misdiagnosed. Our pediatrician said colic is a name for stomach issues that no one has a name for. Sometimes it is as simple as a diary intolerance. There are lots of formulas out there to switch to and try. (Mike really wanted me to tell you this). Best of luck – love you! It will get better.

  5. You are amazing, beautiful, strong and precious. These moments are hard, but they will pass. All my love to you and sweet Lila as you work through her tummy issues. ❤️ If you need a break, call me. Anytime.

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