1. Schedule a meeting over lunch. Unless you’re going to feed me, don’t take lunch time away. It’s the one sliver of a work day we have to decompress and when it’s spent on a conference call, nobody wins. I sense the beginnings of a country song here.
2. Leave a sweaty mess at the gym. Stranger danger applies to bodily fluids, and there are paper towels and disinfectant everywhere. If you don’t wipe down the machines, I have to, while stifling a gag reflex, groaning and awkwardly hopping around like a disgruntled leprechaun in capri pants.
3. Ignore when your dog poops on a walk. It’s POOP! Poop is gross. If you don’t pick it up, there is an extremely high likelihood that it will end up on my shoe and it’s all downhill from there. Have you ever tried to get poop off your own shoe? It’s humbling, to say the least–a stinky game of hopscotch that no one can win.
4. Park in more than one space. Parking a car is not a skill that came naturally to me, but I make the effort to take up only one space at a time. Failure to do this can result in a dramatic emotional roller coaster for anyone who spies the empty space you’re using eight percent of, only to realize it was a ruse. Parking jerks = dream shatterers.
5. Be a litter bug. Littering makes me so sad. It’s like giving a little tiny middle finger to the rest of the world who has to stare at it. I am the one percent that loves the fact that law enforcement can issue fines for this. There are, like, 10 million garbage cans in the world, so not using them just makes you look lazy.