Chain of Irrelevant Thoughts

If you came over to my house tonight here’s what I’d tell you.

A roofer, a plumber and an electrician walk into a bar. The roofer turns to the plumber and says, “Have you ever gotten a frantic call from an almost-thirty-year-old at 8 a.m., demanding you visit a property the next day?” The plumber acknowledges that he had, in fact, received such a call. Lo and behold–the electrician had too! Welcome to my morning. Adventures in home inspections.

Did you know version 84 of Now That’s What I Call Music! was released this year. Yeah. Chew on that.

When you get married, everyone tells you that you should never go to bed angry. This is well intended but terrible advice. There comes a point when the best thing to do is to just get some sleep. Emotions are high, feelings are bruised, and going to bed is the best way to collect your thoughts without resorting to violence.

There is no anti-anxiety medicine in the world that can help a person watch the movie Flight without FLIPPING OUT.

I had to take my iPhone into the Apple store today to get a replacement. It took about 25 minutes to update and restore my settings, during which I was told to sit at a table to wait. It has been a long, LONG time since I’ve had to sit still, alone, without my phone as a distraction. I was in time out. It was really uncomfortable, but allowed me to tune into everything around me, that I presumably zone out on a regular basis. Without this cause for pause, I would’ve overlooked the abundance of hipster employees assisting technologically challenged senior citizens.

When is Homeland coming back? Seriously.

It’s been just under 10 weeks since my wrist surgery and I can’t imagine being any happier with the results of a medical procedure. I want to be in commercials for my surgeon’s practice. I can do painless dips and pushups for the first time in six years. I catch myself instinctively favoring my wrist even when it doesn’t hurt, out of habit. That’s a good habit to break.

Our trip to Asia happens in t-minus six weeks. I am irrationally excited. This will mark the eight and ninth countries my brother and I have been to together and the seventh and eighth for Jim and me. So rad.

I spent a solid 45 minutes on the City of Phoenix planning and zoning website this week. I was confused and fascinated and I never need to have this experience again.

I am so sad for Oklahoma. I was there once for a mere seven hours for a work trip. The devastation is unfathomable. The amazing amount of kindness and donations pouring in from across the country is the only possible silver lining on an awful situation.

On a near-daily basis I debate whether I should be following Kim Kardashian on Instagram.


2 thoughts on “Chain of Irrelevant Thoughts

  1. Sitting in a room by myself, laughing out loud, and then, louder as I read this. This piece gives new meaning to “stream of consciousness.”  Time out–priceless. 

    Harriet Meador Tucson, AZ

  2. No, you definitely should not follow any Kardashian via anything. Ever. Please. I don’t want to like you less.

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