texts from last week: part 3

I have no idea if other people find this as entertaining as me, but since it still makes me laugh like a convulsing seal, I’m keeping the tradition alive. Need to catch up? You probably should. Here are part one and part two.

“I need a vote, blonde or brown?”

“Taking antibiotics as candy. Just got back from the longest day of my life.”

“I told my parents I wanted to bring a friend and no I’m not a lesbian.”

“I saw your Pinterest you went crazy on zucchini and puppies.”

“We just spent our Saturday night putting on new door handles. Are we old or what?”

“I grabbed club soda. Bring your goods. Fiesta.”

“They invited me on the tour bus tonight to LA and said they’d fly me home tomorrow.”

“So I just found a recipe for avocado fries. Fried avocado?? Are you kidding me? Healthy Sunday may have just gone out the window.”

“Oh sorry, i meant to type unnecessary. Fuck my predictive text.”

“We are making boozy bears tonight. Haribo gummy bears + vodka.”

“Loved your pictures! Jaida said “birdie” and “dadda” while looking at them. Not sure who dadda is tho – you or Jim – kind of strange.”

“One day when I’m independently wealthy I’ll have my driver take you.”

“Welcome back!! America wasn’t the same without you.”

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