when i’m confined to a cubicle…

I’ve recently come to the conclusion that humans being confined in cubicles is strikingly similar to dogs being put into crates.

In both cases, we’re given enough room to turn around and lay down, but have limited visibility and mobility. I leave my dogs snacks in their crates, and leave myself snacks in my desk drawers.

Although the nature of the cubicle environment facilitates bathroom breaks in a superior fashion than a crate.

Today, while trying to get a document to stop auto-translating itself into Spanish, I momentarily lost myself in an office-themed daydream. What if certain Microsoft Word functions could be used in human interactions?

My tops picks would be:

Order/Send to Back
To be used when an annoying person approaches you and you’d rather send them away. Far, far away.

Should go without saying – can be applied to any human error. Particularly useful when emails are sent with typos or to the wrong audience.

Reply All
When a Facebook update isn’t enough and you need everyone to know something. Like, “Please send your wedding RSVP back immediately, it’s pre-stamped it, you slackers.”

When things get bad and you need a safety net.

Yes, thanks for remembering! That’s exactly what I was trying to spell!

When you’re feeling sassy.

When you’re feeling VERY ANGRY.

It’s embarrassing that I think about these things.


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