texts from last week

If you’ve never explored texts from last night you’re missing out on a lot of joy. But, if you’re like me, you probably have enough of your own content to stay entertained without looking to others.

I went through my phone today and picked out some of the winners I’ve received over the past week or so. I’ve omitted names to keep the backlash to a minimum.

Please don’t judge me. I made the dean’s list and regularly donate to charity.

“I came home last night and drunk made choc chip cookies from scratch.”

“In my head being engaged means always having a sober driver.”

“I was running past snow banks and thinking wow these are taller than Jess.”

“Love you…and wish you were in Nebraska.”

“My mother has seriously kidnapped me. Send help and a psychologist.”

“My hangover has a very bad attitude. I’ve tried to reason with it all day.”

“Please tell me how stupid people have jobs not at McDonald’s.”

“Twizzlers or Red Vines? Quick, I can’t decide which ones to take to work.”

“I’m in a tiiight dress. Don’t judge. Husband dressed me.”

“I am more ballet-like than baller-like.”

“Going to movie. Red wine in coffee mug in the car. Life of a mom.”

“Of course the largest person on the plane sits right next to me. Squished for the next 3.5 hrs. Perfect.”

“I’m alive and wondering how you girls got home. Please crop my lady parts out of any photos in which they might appear.”

“You better believe we’ll party like it’s 1999. Btw, side note, that was the hardest I’ve ever partied!”

“Watching Big Love. Want to be a sister wife.”

“Oh yeah, I have your shirt and card and snuggie sutra book in my car.”

“I couldn’t find any other chocolate so eating the M&Ms out of my cookies seemed like the right thing to do.”

7 thoughts on “texts from last week

  1. Just laughed my face off and YES a couple of those are mine:) maybe a couple are mine and I don’t know they are…..

  2. I enjoy that my texts made teh cut 🙂 also the text about the m&ms is not mine but is totally something i would do

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