Drunk on thinking.

Posted on May 4, 2013 by Jessica T

Every so often, it’s good to be reminded how much you don’t know.

I spent last week attending work events in different cities. Topics spanned from the rise of women in leadership to the influence of technology on corporate training. Now that it’s over, my head is spinning like a hamster wheel.

I’m drunk on thinking. Inspired and overwhelmed.

But this week was my favorite kind of learning—when the information comes so quickly you have to consciously choose the most important pieces to soak up or you’ll miss it all. It makes me picture a sweepstakes where someone is stuck in a clear booth with fans blowing around hundreds of dollar bills. Walking out with even a few bucks makes you a winner, but there’s sense of remorse for what you couldn’t quite hold onto.

I worry that in a few days my mental momentum will fade, and when I’m reminded of it at a later date, I’ll regret not transforming it into something worthwhile. In the meantime, I’ll keep plowing through the mess of miscellaneous notes and business cards I’ve accumulated, trying to figure out my next step.

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Lean In, and Please Don’t be a Bitch

Posted on April 21, 2013 by Jessica T

Everyone I know is talking, posting and raving about Sheryl Sandberg’s new book, Lean In.

I have a huge amount of respect for Ms. Sandberg and everything she’s accomplished. The way she articulates the process behind her success makes it easy to understand why she’s the ultimate role model for career-driven women.

Lean In has initiated some compelling conversations around the world. We’re guzzling this much-needed Kool-Aid and waiting for the next generation of women to take the workforce by storm. But we need to iron out a few details first. Because it’s tremendously frustrating to see women laud this success story and its philosophies, while remaining total bitches to other women.

Some of the most brilliant and successful women I’ve worked with are true all stars–absolutely killing it professionally–but are held back from Sandberg-level success by mean girl tendencies and a lack of rapport with other females. For some reason, be it biology or that darned glass ceiling, women don’t always play nice at work.

A few months ago, a good friend and I had an exchange about this, and her words struck a chord because I’ve experienced the very same thoughts.

Do women hold each other back (or maybe hold us back as an entire gender) at work because of how we/they interact with each other? Generally, we haven’t broken through the glass ceiling, we haven’t made a Good Ol’ Girls Club, etc. I blame that mostly on biology, as we cannot make men have babies. But, are there other forces that we can control? Women are competitive at work, but is it always in the right way?

Why do some women I work with perpetually throw me under the bus to a boss? Why are many girls so overly fake and nice to another girl’s face, but say the worst things about them behind their back. That doesn’t make her look professional; it makes both girls look bad. Shouldn’t we be better about congratulating every (okay, most) women’s achievements, for the sake of our gender’s success?

What is it that makes some women so unwilling to trust each other, and downright disdainful of their female colleagues? Are we just competitive on our way to the top, or do we fail to recognize that we can be each others greatest asset?

Rosalind Wiseman wrote about this in Queen Bees and Wannabees, the inspiration for the movie Mean Girls. The funny thing is, the book and the movie focus on girls in high school. HIGH SCHOOL. What about the ones who drag these behaviors into Corporate America?

Well, there are plenty of books that that, too.

There are a lot of different opinions on this, and for me, it’s a general observation–a gripe–and certainly not the rule.

For as many challenging female coworkers I’ve encountered, I’ve had twice as many who’ve become mentors and lifelong friends. I credit them for helping me get to where I am today, both professionally and emotionally. They’ve inspired me to continue the cycle of positive female support that I pay forward whenever possible.

Because it’s the right thing to do. Because it’s easier to be nice. And because we’re stronger when we’re united. With this type of mentality, women won’t just ascend the rungs of the corporate ladder, we’ll start to shatter the glass ceiling.

We don’t have to bake cupcakes and be cheerleaders to do this. We just have to play fair and be nice. If not, we’ll continue to limit ourselves with competition and the wrong motivations.

Giving a little often yields a lot, so as we continue to lean in, I hope it’s toward mutual respect and empowerment.

Said Something You Shouldn’t Have? 4 Ways to Recover

Posted on April 18, 2013 by Jessica T

I’d like to note that within this article I successfully: 1) Quoted an Ice Cube song, and 2) Used the names of two of my closest friends in my examples.This article originally was published on The Daily Muse, read it here.

When you’re trying to impress someone, it always seems like a good idea to throw out a witty quip to win her over. But when it doesn’t come out quite the way you imagined (“That’s an, um, different idea!”), it can have quite the opposite effect.

If you’ve ever been in a similar dilemma (and who hasn’t?), you’ll agree—there are few lessons more valuable than learning how to recover from an awkward, wish-you-could-do-it-all-over-again moment. In fact, I’m a prime example: No matter how hard I strive to be tactful in professional settings, I always seem to find a way to embarrass myself or put my foot in my mouth. And while it never becomes less horrifying to realize you’ve said or done something you shouldn’t have, don’t worry—you can recover.

If you’ve rubbed someone the wrong way, said something regrettable, or didn’t bring your A-game to an important company meeting, don’t panic. Here are a few ways to upgrade a negative impression to one worth remembering.

1. Honesty’s the Best Policy

After an awkward interaction or embarrassing slip-up, there’s no better way to set the record straight than with a sincere explanation or apology. We’re all human—so chances are the person you interacted with can relate to your mistake and will appreciate your candid follow-up. Sure, it’s uncomfortable to ’fess up to your own shortcomings, but it’ll serve as a huge step toward building your long-term credibility.

Can’t quite find the right words? Try this: “Michelle, I want to apologize for how outspoken I was in our meeting this morning. I thought I was being funny, but I realize that some of my comments weren’t appropriate. Moving forward, I will be much more collaborative and open to feedback.”

2. Get Third Party Validation

If you’re concerned that you made a negative impression on someone you don’t know very well (e.g., the CEO from two floors down or one of your co-worker’s clients), a mutual contact can usually help smooth any ruffled feathers. This works especially well when circumstances prohibit you from delivering the follow-up on your own. Reaching out to a third party will not only ease some of the awkwardness of an apology, but it will show that you’re willing to take an extra step toward rectifying the situation.

When you’re ready to contact your mutual friend, try this: “Allyson, I’m concerned that some of the things I said in the meeting with your client this morning came across as a bit harsh. I don’t know her well enough to call her personally, but you would be willing to pass on my apologies—or send her my contact info and let her know I’d love to reconnect?”

3. Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

When you walk away from an awkward or not-so-stellar interaction, it’s important to figure out exactly what caused the unpleasantries. It’s one thing to be temporarily disengaged or to have an occasional “off” day. But if the problem was something completely preventable (for example, maybe you got visibly frustrated during a complicated training presentation), you should reflect on the situation and figure out how you can avoid this type of problem in the future.

Take a few minutes to revisit what happened and figure out what you can do differently to make a better impression next time. Think: Okay, last time I lost my cool when the trainer went through the instructions too quickly. If it happens again, I’ll just ask her to spend a few minutes during a break recapping the process with me.

4. Keep Calm and Rock On

Sometimes, a bad impression is a bad impression, and no amount of excuses, explanations, orclever recovery strategies can change that. In these rare but painfully uncomfortable situations, the best way to get back into the good graces of a colleague is to simply do better in the future. Instead of spending time worrying about the impression you made, focus on being a valuable asset to your team and doing everything you can to knock the socks off your peers and managers. (Think: Kill ’em with kindness meets over-achiever.) In time, your stellar accomplishments will overshadow your slip-up.

Unfortunately, an awkward or embarrassing slip-up doesn’t always have an instant fix. It takes time and hard work to reinvent yourself and the way others see you—but it’s definitely within your reach. Be patient and remember that you’re in good company: Everyone—yes, everyone—has been in your shoes at one point or another. There’s no use in beating yourself up, so focus on moving forward, one step at a time.

A curveball experience with the FBI

Posted on April 6, 2013 by Jessica T

When I woke up yesterday my goals were small. Bathe, dress, arrive at work, avoid any major hazards or embarrassments. Granted, I set the bar pretty low, but it was a Friday, and let’s be honest: Fridays are sometimes just something to be tolerated on the path toward the weekend.

Now it’s a little challenging to explain exactly what I do for a living, mostly because no two days are the same, and it involves a whole lot of randomness. But for purposes of this story, the image below paints a fairly accurate picture:

Anyway.

I attend a fair amount of events; some are outstanding–others, not so much. Sometimes, I arrive with A-game oozing out of my gender-appropriate power suit, but other times, I dart in and out like a corporate ninja, having very little interaction.

Yesterday was one of those days where my approach was leaning toward a stealthy entrance and discreet exit following some handshakes and exchanged business cards. After all, it was FRIDAY. However, when I walked in and saw I was one of only 20 attendees, I resigned myself to the fact that I wasn’t escaping any time soon. I braced myself for an ambiguous chicken dish and jello-like dessert –> why is this always the menu at any resort-hosted luncheon, why can’t we evolve to lasagna?

My seat was at a table where I knew only one person. Naturally, I decided to entertain myself by talking to the adorable older couple on my left. I can’t explain it, but I’ve always loved old people. True story: you’re reading the blog of someone who voluntarily spent her summers in middle school volunteering at a Jewish nursing home.

These folks were sweet and seemed to take a liking to me (can’t blame them) and we spent the next few minutes chatting about our lives.

And then, I’m informed that the man I’m talking to worked at the FBI for 30 years. And he didn’t just work there, he was the number two man.

Hold up. Let me rephrase this lest you failed to compute it:

I was sitting next to Lee Colwell, the former associate director of the FBI. Man of mystery. Bad-guy-getter. Maker of history.

This, of course, blew my mind, and inhibited my ability to pay an ounce of attention to anything but learning more about him and his career. I started whispering questions to him and before long, the event had ended and we were the only two left in the room, as I listened to incredible stories of his path through life.

I was humbled to realize how many people there are, in all sorts of positions around the world, whose lives are dedicated to protecting people like me. It’s inspiring to meet people like Lee who’ve devoted their lives, sacrificing their own security, to serve the greater good.

It’s fascinating enough to have a conversation with someone who’s 80 years old and has lived through some of the most impactful decades in history. But an 80-year-old who worked for the FBI? Unbeatable.

I love when life throws curveball experiences out for the taking. Forcing perspective and learning when you least expect it. There’s nothing better.

Ultima, at last.

Posted on March 2, 2013 by Jessica T

A little over four years ago, the job I had required a lot of travel to desolate and depressing parts Arizona. It was a short stint, but one that often left me lonely and disconnected.

On one such journey to the town of Safford, an eight square-mile dust bowl of fast-food chains and hardware stores, I was surprised when my hotel offered me a free novel. Part of a well intentioned attempt to make a Comfort Inn more comfortable, I suppose. I received a paperback copy of Bless Me, Ultima when I checked in and didn’t think much of it.

I kept the book on my shelves for years, but never read it. I recognized the title, assuming it had garnered acclaim for something, but I had little interest in actually exploring it.

Fast forward to today, when I took my little sister to see the recent, on-screen version. After all this time, I only recently donated my copy of the book, but always felt guilty that I hadn’t read it. Like it had come into my life for a reason that I chose to snub.

The movie was good, well done and pleasantly simple. The story was narrated throughout different scenes, reminding me that it was based on a novel. I like when movies have narration – probably because of how much I was read to as a child.

There are likely lots of lessons one could dissect from the storyline, but I think these quotes sum up my favorite parts:

“It is because good is always stronger than evil. The smallest bit of good can stand against all the powers of evil in the world and it will emerge triumphant.”

“I made strength from everything that had happened to me, so that in the end even the final tragedy could not defeat me. And that is what Ultima tried to teach me, that the tragic consequences of life can be overcome by the magical strength that resides in the human heart.”

“Understanding comes with life. As a man grows he sees life and death, he is happy and sad, he works, plays, meets people – sometimes it takes a lifetime to acquire understanding, because in the end understanding simply means having sympathy for people. ”

Will my life will change significantly by closing the loop on this? Not likely. But it’s nice to know how the story ends.

hysterical and amazing and terrifying

Posted on February 18, 2013 by Jessica T

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always craved the feeling of being safe and secure above anything else. Wrapped up tightly and sheltered from the world. I find this in quality hugs, sleeping bags or in my bed with the covers pulled over my head*

*An automatic response to my alarm clock.

I’m not sure what this says about my upbringing (can one be over swaddled?) but even as an adult, it’s heaven for me to be somewhere cozy and quiet at the end of a long day or if I’m upset. It’s actually the reason I look forward to winter every year – so that I have a multitude of opportunities to snuggle and be snuggled. I think I was a stuffed animal in a prior life.

I assume this is normal … or at least not entirely abnormal, but the amount of sheer joy I find at having alone time in a quiet place is probably a little weird. I guess it’s part of being a introvert. The more I socialize, the more solo time I need to re-energize.

Right now I’m sitting atop a magnificent bed in a hotel room in Washington, D.C. I’m just now sitting upright after spending 20 minutes laying on my back and studying the ceiling, while texting, instagraming and talking to my mom. There’s crazy intricate crown molding up there, and I couldn’t tear myself away. If there’s anything I like to stare at (besides Ryan Gosling) it’s antique molding. True story.

This room can only be described as a perfect. I feel like a little girl in a princess suite, where everything is lacy and white, wonderful and serene. They – the magical staff – left me slippers, chocolates, cookies and classical music while I was out this evening. You complete me, dear hotel. I told my husband tonight that I want to stay here for a week and never.leave.the.room.

This wasn’t supposed to be a post about swaddling withdrawals or hotels though. I actually sat down – well – sat up to write after pondering how absurd it is that I am where I am at the moment.

I’m by myself in the nation’s Capitol. I just had an inspiring dinner conversation with a colleague I hardly knew before today. Tomorrow I’ll attend an event at the Chamber of Commerce addressing potential connections between education and careers for young adults.

It’s one of those moments where I have to pause and remember that I’m no longer 15 and am, in fact, playing the role of an adult in this week’s episode of life. I’m very aware that I’ve been alive and mostly conscious for the greater part of everyday of my life, but where did the the time go? How does this happen? One day I’m looking for a prom dress and pleading for a later curfew, and then somehow I’m transported through time to be on the cusp of my 30th birthday traveling the country alone, for work. Work where I wear pantsuits, no less. That’s a punchline waiting to happen.

It’s hysterical and amazing and terrifying. But mostly amazing.

I feel so lucky to have this life, full of incredible people, places and problems. It’s not just the big trips and milestones that make life so fulfilling, but the everyday things, too. There’s a well known analogy about this – something with a vase and rocks and sand – am I right? Big rocks can’t completely fill up a vase without the sand to slide into empty spaces and make it truly full.

At any rate, I’m making a more concerted effort to write about what I think and feel everyday, even when mundane, and this is what spewed out tonight, from my fingertips to your eyeballs.

How to Break Into the Communications World

Posted on January 27, 2013 by Jessica T

I’ve been writing for The Daily Muse for about a year, and am a huge fan of this site. I was recently interviewed for a careers feature discussing how to break into the fields of communications and PR.

Brief Description of Job:

I manage employee-facing communications for C-suite executives as well as change management efforts for an organization of more than 12,000 employees. I also work closely with our external affairs team to ensure messaging to different audiences stays consistent. My days involve lots of writing, editing, strategizing, and putting out fires.

Why did you choose this field?

It sounds cliché, but I think this field actually chose me. My undergraduate degree was in journalism with an emphasis in public relations, and I always thought I’d work in an agency setting, until a college internship opened my eyes to other ways to leverage a love for writing and building relationships.

I enjoy this line of work because it’s rarely boring—the pace keeps me motivated and on my toes. I have the opportunity to write everyday, which I love, and I can see the value my work adds to an organization by providing people with the information they need to be successful.

What did you want to do growing up and in college?

Growing up, I always wanted to be a veterinarian, which is quite a stretch from communications. At any rate, my love for writing soon surpassed my love for science, which led to a degree in journalism. I graduated college in 2005, just as the digital world began to surpass print media, and social media was surging ahead. It was an exciting time to launch a career in an area that was seeing unprecedented growth and evolution.

What was your first job in this field, and how did you land it?

My first job was as a public information officer for the local county government. Glamorous? Not so much. But I learned more than I ever could have imagined about all sorts of things that make great cocktail party conversations.

I applied for this position after interning for several months in a similar capacity for another municipality. In reality, this job was a bit over my skill level at the time, which pushed me harder than ever before to learn and succeed. The most surprising thing I learned in this position was what it was like to really fail at something. I wasn’t able to coast as the all-star I’d been in school, and quickly discovered that humility goes a long way.

What has been the most surprising thing about working your field?

The most surprising thing about this field is the amount of knowledge one can amass about a completely foreign topic. When you work in communications for a large company, you may be required to learn a lifetime’s worth about something completely unfamiliar in order to perform your role effectively. I’ve worked in the fields of drug prevention, pet specialty, and copper mining before arriving in my current position, and it’s strange to constantly become immersed in new areas as your career evolves.

What advice would you have for someone breaking into your field?

Engage in informational interviews on a regular basis, because this is such a diverse and constantly changing line of work. You can learn a great deal about the opportunities that exist and how to prepare for them by speaking directly to seasoned professionals.

I also would recommend becoming overly familiar with the current Associated Press Stylebook, as this is a bible of sorts for professional writing. And to leave your ego at the door; this is probably good advice in any field, but it’s particularly valuable in communications and PR.

(mis)adventures

Category Archives: work

Drunk on thinking.

Lean In, and Please Don’t be a Bitch