this week was funny:

1. I friended a coworker on Facebook and learned that one of our mutual friends was an orthodox rabbi. Which was a hysterical story, because she’s not Jewish.
2. I wished really hard for a 4 p.m. meeting on Friday to be canceled and it was #miracleshappen
3. I had yet another dream about 50 Cent. In my dreams he’s always a skinny teenager and we work together.
4. Jim and I ended our family cell phone plan. I’m using a work phone and he joined a family plan with our friend Dave.
5. I set up a former coworker with a former boss about a job opportunity and it worked out instantly.
6. I drove part of the way to work then panicked that I left my cell phone at home and drove all the way back for it. Then Jim found it in my purse.
7. I worked out at the gym for the first time in months. I’ve been working out at home and running instead. It felt like reuniting with an old friend.
8. I went to Starbucks. And it was good. Generally I avoid SB cause I don’t drink coffee and ordering there stresses me out beyond belief.
9. I was charged $11 for a drink at happy hour. wtf.
10. I called Jim and when I asked where he was he said “Sprint store.” But I heard “strip club.” Note – I wasn’t concerned he would be at a strip club, but that dinner would be delayed.
11. Jim told me venison was beef so I’d eat it. His dad spilled the beans.
12. We found a can of shoe polish in our attic.
13. We found out our next door neighbors have the exact same couch as us.
14. We got silverware in the mail. This just seems like a funny thing to get in the mail. But more delightful than bills.
15. I ordered a steak at a restaurant for the first time in easily five years. I’m good now for another five.

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hey girlfriend

The older I get, the more important my girlfriends become. They are my fun, my support, my sounding board and so much more. The past few weeks have been exceedingly entertaining, largely a credit to said girlfriends. Naturally this prompted a list.

The best girlfriend:
1. Tells you to rock skinny jeans when you really don’t have the ideal body for them…c’mon I’m only 5’2”
2. Goes dancing at gay bars with you just because the music is the best.
3. Loves your dogs.
4. Shares meals with you because you’re both broke and prone to over eating.
5. Snuggles.
6. Ends up power walking with you instead of running because you can talk better that way.
7. Addresses your wedding invitations.
8. Doesn’t judge you for cutting your own bangs.
9. Shares co-op produce with you.
10. Calls you at 9 p.m. on a Sunday to tell you a fun theme party idea.
11. Thinks slumber parties are still completely appropriate in your late twenties.
12. Calls you hysterically laughing or crying and no explanation is required (and vice versa).
13. Puts you first.
14. Is always up for wine or nachos. Or both. Always.
15. Will not laugh when your self serve frozen yogurt weighs as much as a small child.
16. Can laugh at you and with you and at herself.
17. Reads your blog.
18. Demonstrates unwavering generosity. Money is no matter between friends.
19. Shares everything (clothes, food, lip gloss, embarrassing stories, dance moves, etc).
20. Tells you when you’re being an idiot. Or selfish. Or crazy.
21. Is there for you – 100 percent of the time.

apple cherry muffins

It felt like spring today, so why not bake with cherries. This really is how my mind works.

I found a recipe for cherry muffins on about.com under the Southern food section. It cracks me up that such a section exists.

The frantic fun part of making these was realizing, mid-way through, that we had no eggs. I decided to use apple sauce instead and hoped for the best. I couldn’t tell a difference – at all – and enjoy the fact that no chickens were involved in making these muffins.

Ingredients:

  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 1 tablespoon baking powder
  • 2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1/2 cup sugar
  • 3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
  • 1 cup coarsely chopped fresh or frozen cherries (I used canned, drained sweet cherries)
  • 1/2 teaspoon almond extract (I used vanilla extract)
  • 1 large egg (I used apple sauce instead)
  • 1 cup milk
  • 1/4 cup melted butter
Method:
Grease and flour 15 muffin cups or line with paper liners. Heat oven to 375°.

In a medium bowl, combine the salt, baking powder, flour, sugar, and cinnamon; add cherries and stir gently to blend. In a separate bowl, whisk the egg, flavoring, milk and melted butter until well blended. Stir egg and milk mixture into the dry mixture. Fill muffin cups about 2/3 full. Bake cherry muffins at for 20 to 25 minutes.

slumber pawty

I will admit that I’ve spent hours wondering what my dogs do all day, alone in the house. I sort of fantasize that they have secret tea parties and dance contests and deep talks about life. Of course, the aforementioned activities would be difficult within the confines of a small metal crate. Nevertheless, I am CONVINCED the pups lead alluring lives of mystery.

Well, I was convinced.

Until I was home sick all week.

And now I’ve come to the conclusion that these two fur bundles spend 58 out of every 60 minutes sound asleep. The two minute intervals of activity are in response to garbage trucks, mail delivery, loud birds and other noises I’ll file under “miscellaneous.”

I can’t say I’m entirely surprised. I mean it’s got to be pretty tough to get going without me here to lead the dance parties. And aren’t most animals naturally nocturnal anyway?

At any rate, I remain somewhat shocked that there has been nary a tea party this week. And I refuse to take this lack of activity as a hint that I am, in any way, boring. because I’m not. I just really dislike getting off the couch when I’m sick.

cookie fetish

The secret to divine chocolate chip cookies is using half butter, half butter-flavored Crisco. Trust me.

Oh, and chopped up Ghirardelli chocolate bars in place of chips. Chips are old school.

Blissful sigh.

Does this count as a brag book?

Delivery to coworkers angers fiance, but prevents cavities. And obesity.